Welcome to volume 23 of Porno Theater Double Feature. This time I am presenting two movies that are unusual, as their names are a single letter. So I present to you F and P, along with the usual offering of trailers, shorts, and other things.
Golden Girls 85 - Summer Loves It 1982 Cast: Mona Page, Ron Jeremy
Girl in a revealing swimsuit gets it on with the Hedgehog.
F 1980 Director: Svetlana Cast: Aki Wang, Annette Haven, Becky Savage, Chris Anderson, Geraldine Gold, John Leslie, Kandi Barbour, Cassie Wells, Laurie Smith, Holly Joy, Terri Dolan, Piper Smith, Ray Wells, Rhonda Jo Petty, Seka
Scene Breakdowns Scene 1. Kandi Barbour, Cassie Wells, Terri Dolan, John Leslie Scene 2. Chris Anderson, Rhonda Jo Petty, Seka, John Leslie Scene 3. Geraldine Gold, John Leslie Scene 4. Aki Wang, Holly Joy, Piper Smith, John Leslie, Ray Wells Scene 5. Becky Savage, John Leslie Scene 6. Laurie Smith, Ray Wells Scene 7. Annette Haven, John Leslie
John Leslie is in this strange and slightly surreal movie about a guy who shows up at a mysterious house when his cab breaks down. Annette Haven is the dream girl who keeps showing up; on the Cab radio, hitchhiking, and finally in the house. Once the maid lets him in, he can't get out. The house contains many bizarre characters, including a midget toy soldier and a giant sized pussy to name but two. Themed rooms like the doll house, the gangsters molls rooms, and many dangerous situations for JL. Ray Welles is the guy who seems to be in the same situation as Leslie. The inventiveness of the film and the charm of the two leads makes this film so memorable. This movie contains all the usual Svetlana/Fraser signatures: young girls, carefree sex, good camera work. The central message of the film is one Freud would be proud of.
Limited Edition 8 - Heaven Is A Wet Hole 1978 Cast: Annette Haven, Blair Harris
Annette wants her boyfriend to fuck her, but he is too busy watching football on the TV.
P {AKA: Golden Shower Girl) 1974 Director (Tom) Cast: Jason Williams Genre: Classic, redhead, blowjob, caught.in.the.act, fingering, pussy.fingering, dildo, missionary, vibrator, vibrator.in.ass, cum.on.belly, cunnilingus, squirting, lesbian, 69, threesome, ffm, cowgirl, face.sitting, interracial, white.female.black.male, bondage, blindfold, blindfolded.female, mirror.sex, voyeur, watching, cum.on.ass, food, facial
OK, this may be one of the worst porn movies I have ever seen. In fact, it is almost hard to describe.
The entire work only has a single crecit, and that is "Tom". Now some sources have said that was really Bob Osco, and it is possible. However, there is much about this movie that is contradictory as to figuring anything out.
None of the cast are credited, and the most I could find is IMDB stating that the "Nixon Waiter" (who is not seen but for wearing a Richard Nixon mask) was Jason Williams, mostly known for starring in "Flesh Gordon". I have also found some references that the star was named Cindy Camelot, but I came up absolutely blank on her other than references in February 1974 ads for the movie under the name "Golden Shower Girl" in San Francisco.
In fact, even though it was shot in the Long Beach area of California, the entire production feels like a New York one. To the bad camera work was with a single 16mm camera, and the cast largely only appearing in this one movie.
In short, Alyssa Carfield and her grandmother are homeless, and take a bus to stay with her uncle. He lives in a cheap apartment with what seems to be a couple of hippies and Alyssa and her grandmother are made to sleep on a mattress in the hallway. One of them talks her into giving him a blowjob, and they are caught by grandma.
They go to a restaurant where they meet a sailor, who takes them to his place. Alyssa then ends up fucking the sailor, where as she cums it appears that she squirts milk onto his face as he laughs.
And that is probably the oldest case of a female "squirting" I have ever seen in a porn movie. But the fact that it looks like milk gives it a very surrealistic feeling. The sailor leaves, and is hit and killed by a car as soon as he leaves the apartment.
Right after this grandma completely disappears, and Alyssa meets another guy that looks like a sailor, and is soon making a porn movie. Which soon escalates to her having sex with another actress, which by the end a male joins them and she squirts her milk on both of their faces.
Finally she meets a black guy at a bus stop who offers to let her stay with him and his "boss". Then the movie goes completely off the rails. His boss is a pervert, and soon it seems she enters a contract and is blindfolded as the guy has her suck his cock. He then leaves and the black guy takes his place.
Where again there is a strange imagery, as Alyssa is blindfolded as she blows him in front of the mirror. Where during the sequence the blindfold vanishes, and reappears. The entire time the boss is masturbating as he watches.
Where after she finally squirts her milk in his face, he shoves a piece of fried chicken into her cunt before taking a bite. Which is then repeated with a stalk of celery, before he repeats it with a hard boiled egg which he mashes all over her pussy. The boss then comes up and gives her a facial, and the movie ends.
On a scale of the worst porn I have ever seen, this is only better than Bat Pussy as the bottom of the barrel. And it is only saved from being the worst because Bat Pussy is probably impossible to top. And as I was able to find references in early 1974, I am placing this as likely made in 1973. It has all the feeling of a movie form that time period, before they actually knew how to make porn for an audience that was more sophisticated than the grindhouse audiences of the past
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